30 Somewhat Unconventional Ways I Like My Men.

1. I like my men how I like my coffee. Mostly black.
2. I like my men how I like my pizza. Dipped in ranch.
3. I like my men how I like my chocolate. With nuts.
4. I like my men how I like my showers. Hot and soapy.
5. I like my men how I like my bathroom stalls. Taller than me.
6. I like my men how I like my bras. They don't chafe my nipples.
7. I like my men how I like my jello. Full of booze.
8. I like my men how I like my chapstick. In my pocket.
9. I like my men how I like my browsing history. Vulgar and full of Star Wars trivia.
10. I like my men how I like my drinks. The more I've had, the more easily I forget the number.
11. I like my men how I like my comedic timing. Awkward and inappropriate.
12. I like my men how I like my jokes. Racist.
13. I like my men how I like my alcoholics. Always up for another round.
14. I like my men how I like my wine. Aged and in my rack.
15. I like my men how I like my internet memes. Stupid and everywhere.
16. I like my men how I like my computer. Always turned on.
17. I like my men how I like my waistband. Loose on holidays.
18. I like my men how I like my movie theaters. They don't mind that I'm usually drunk.
19. I like my men how I like my Wednesdays. No pants.
20. I like my men how I like my mirror. Beautiful and easy to talk to.
21. I like my men how I like my dreams. Fucked up and normally meaningless.
22. I like my men how I like my Sharpies. Ultra fine.
23. I like my men how I like my farts. Always following me around.
24. I like my men how I like my convenience stores. They don't ask how old I am.
25. I like my men how I like my vitamins. Covered in cartoon dinosaurs.
26. I like my men how I like my blind deaf-mutes. Touchy feely.
27. I like my men how I like my Twilight books. Idiotic and easy to read.
28. I like my men how I like my open houses. I can always leave without making a commitment.
29. I like my men how I like my laundry. Dirty and on my floor.
    
    And finally,
    
30. I like my men how I like my snooty expensive restaurant owners who won't let me use their bathroom. They don't care that I'm full of shit.