The Hilarity that is Scott Cohen as 'Wolf' in The 10th Kingdom.

Because I find the IMDB somewhat annoying to navigate, here's a list of the best (according to yours truly) quotes from Wolf, my favorite character in the 2000 TV mini-series, "The 10th Kingdom."

“You are as safe as a brick-built pig house!”

"No, no! ‘Rare’ implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me."

"A shepherdess makes quite a mess, but little lambs are lovely!"

Evil Queen: "I've turned Prince Wendell into a dog."
Wolf: "Good idea."

“Wolfies just PRETEND to do naughty things.”

“Butter would not melt in my mouth. Well, it would melt. Of course it would melt, but very slowly.”

“Bacon sizzling away on an iron frying pan! Baste it! Roast it! Toast it! Nibble it! Chew it! Bite right through it! Wobble it! Gobble it! Wrap it 'round a couple of chickens and I am RAVENOUS!”

Tony: [After Wolf throws a stick at Wendell’s gold-imprisoned dog form] “That's not funny!”

Wolf: “It can get funnier if we keep on doing it.”

Virginia: “You come an inch closer and I swear I'll shout my head off.”

Wolf: “Oooh, that is what is known as an empty threat.”

“I smell DOG!”

“We either live happily ever after or we get killed by horrible curses.”

Sally Peep: “If my door wasn't locked, I'd be scared you'd come into my house and huff and puff and blow all my clothes off!”

Wolf: “…Where do you live, Sally?”

Restaurant Owner: “I am the greatest chef in the Nine Kingdoms! Folks travel hundreds of miles just to eat my food!”

Wolf: “Yeah, well, my date's from a different dimension, so don't slip up.”

“Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be! I've had extensive therapy. I realize I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it: "Breaking the Cycle", "Heal Yourself in 7 Days", "Stop Blaming Yourself, Please”, and "Help for the Bedwetting Child"… which I picked up by mistake. But I've got them all!”

Wolf: “Oh, let me put your mind at rest! Now that I've seen you, eating you is out of the question! Not even on the menu! Now, I know this is sudden but... How about a date?”

[Virginia holds a broom in between the two of them]

Wolf: “We started badly, but I take all the blame for that.”

Dr. Horowitz: “Now I'm going to give you a word, and I want you to say the first word that comes into your mind.”

Wolf: “Oh, yeah! Oh, a game. Yeah.”

Dr. Horowitz: “Here we go. Home.”

Wolf: “Cooking.”

Dr. Horowitz: “Coward.”

Wolf: “Chicken!”

Dr. Horowitz: “Wedding.”

Wolf: “Cake.”

Dr. Horowitz: “Dead.”

Wolf: “Mmmeat!”

Dr. Horowitz: “Sensual.”

Wolf: “Oooh, appetite!”

Dr. Horowitz: “Love.”

Wolf: “Oh! To eat anything fluffy! Ah, sorry, sorry, more than one word. Start again?”

And, of course, Wolf on romance. Because I wish every guy took Wolf's approach. Believe me, it would work.

"You make me hard and soft at the same time."

“I've always wanted to say this. Love of my life, let down your lustrous locks!”

Tony: “I need to know if your intentions are honorable.”

Wolf: [very long pause] “No, not really.”

Wolf: "Doc, I met this terrific girl and I really, really, REALLY like her. But, the thing is...”

Dr. Horowitz: “Well, go on, say it.”

Wolf: “I...”

Dr. Horowitz: “Say it!”

Wolf: “Not sure whether I-I-I wanna love her… or eat her.”

Wolf: “You don't trust nobody.”

Virginia: “I don't trust you, no.”

Wolf: “Well, you may not get hurt, but huff puff, you won't get loved either.”

Virginia: “I have a hard time trusting people. I just never wanna jump unless I'm sure somebody's gonna catch me.”

Wolf: “Oh, I'll catch you. And if I miss for any reason, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health.”

Wolf: “I picked up your trail a few days ago.”

Virginia: “But how? We went through a mountain!”

Wolf: “Virginia, I could follow your scent across time itself.”

You and your tiny little eyebrows.