Boyfriend, Thy Name is School.

I have been in a steady relationship for a long time now. Over the past four years it's gotten pretty serious. However, although it's always been something of an emotional rollercoaster (forgive the cliché), I've begun to notice that lately, our relationship has taken on a sort of "downward spiral" motif.

Folks, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend. His name is School. And he is an abusive tool.

Poetry achieved.

Below is a checklist of 10 items I have established as irrefutable signs your boyfriend is also an abusive tool.

The unfortunate truth to this checklist is that for me, each and every shitty god-forsaken item is followed closely by a resounding "check!"... If anyone has any recommendations for counseling, I welcome them.

And by "recommendations for counseling," I really mean "favorite creative ways to drink vodka."

Your boyfriend is probably abusive if:

1. He makes you feel stupid.
2. He makes you feel suffocated or stifled.
3. He doesn't allow you to hang out with your friends.
4. He intentionally disrupts your sleep pattern in order to better control you.
5. He keeps you around by repeatedly and expertly manipulating you into thinking you still love him.
6. He occasionally rewards your good behavior with small surprises, giving you hope for the future, only to immediately revert to his previous pain-causing douchebaggery.
7. He constantly reminds you how disappointed in you he is.
8. He gets extremely jealous of others, purposely making it difficult to maintain any other relationships at the same time.
9. He drives you to drink.
   
   And last but not least:
   
   
10. He is so expertly manipulative that despite numbers 1-9, your family seems to love him; the only question they ever seem to ask you is "How's School?"